Forgiving another person is hard
You know by now that forgiving another person is not easy. Forgiving others is hard work. It is supposed to be hard. If we are doing this right, forgiving others is hard because it costs us something. It requires us to cast aside our selfishness. It requires us to restrain ourselves from taking revenge on, and slander, those who have offended us. It requires us to hold back when all we want to do is to let ourselves go and tell others what someone had done to us.
If we find it easy to forgive someone, we are likely not doing it right. If forgiving others didn’t cost us anything, we would have no problem at all forgiving others, and you and I would be doing it all day long. If you find it hard to forgive someone, I promise you you are doing it right. Forgiveness does not come to us naturally, but we are to forgive faithfully. Part of learning how to forgive is also learning how to forgive without delay. Taking a long time to forgive is not forgiveness. We try to teach ourselves to shorten the length of time it takes for us to forgive others, and none of us should find that easy to do.
We are commanded to forgive
This much is clear, God expects everyone to forgive. You and I are to forgive. God does not expect only pastors and leaders to forgive. God expects everyone to forgive. Forgiveness is not an option. It is not an elective.
Don’t say it is too hard to forgive. Don’t make excuses and say that God told you, for this time only, it is not necessary for you to forgive. I am positively sure he didn’t! There is no offense too impossible for us to forgive. You and I are to forgive, no matter the severity of the offense. It makes no sense for the Bible to say we must forgive if God didn’t think we could do it.
There is a right way and a wrong way to forgive
Which brings me to the most important point I will make in this series. What if the offense is an exceptionally serious offense? Does God really expect us to forgive when a spouse had cheated, or when a loved one had been killed by a drunk driver, or when a person had been found to have physically abused many children while he was alive? Is it even humanly possible to forgive in such cases? Humanly possible? No. But for God’s children? Absolutely.
There is a wrong way and a right way to forgive those who offended us. The world teaches us that to forgive is to forgive using our own strength. People offend us, and because you and I have to forgive, we try to do our best. If we forgive this way, let me say here it will be very hard for us to forgive. We won’t see good results. To forgive using our own strength is the wrong way to forgive.
The Bible offers an alternative way to forgive. Christians find the strength to forgive from God. When Christ went to the cross, died, and he was resurrected three days later, something most wonderful happened that day. Those who place their trust in Christ receive forgiveness for sin. All sins, past, present and future, of the sinner are forgiven. God has forgiven us much in Christ. We now have the power to forgive others. Forgiving each other in Christ is the correct way, and also the best way to forgive, and I believe this is how forgiveness is supposed to work. Conversely, should there be those who do not have the strength to forgive others, it is very possible they have not yet discovered that their own sin has been forgiven by God.
“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32).
We are never more like Christ than at the moment when we forgive
As I said at the beginning of this series, you and I are sinners. It is in our nature to sin. We won’t grow out of it. We will continue to step on each other’s toes until the last day of our lives. Because of this, we must forgive each other. Forgiveness is the only way to end the repeating cycle of resentment and retaliation against each other.
In addition, forgiveness makes us more Christlike. Did you hear what I just said? I know that as Christ followers, we are very excited about being more and more like Christ, and we are never more like Christ than when we are forgiving someone. To forgive is to be like Christ. To forgive is Christ. In the same way Christ forgives, you and I forgive. Never are we more like Christ than at the moment when we forgive. Each time we forgive, we reflect Christ’s character.
Colossians 1.13–14 For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Conversely, to not forgive someone is to not reflect his character. If I am right, we seem to not think it is a big deal if we don’t forgive someone. In some strange way, we think it is our choice, it is up to us. We must not let our minds remain this way. Even though it may not seem like a big deal to us, God knows we did not choose to forgive, and it is a big deal to our God. To not forgive is an ungodly character. It is hard for us to imagine a mature Christian man or woman standing there, but he or she holds a grudge, and refuses to forgive another person.
My Conclusion
Forgiving others is one of the hardest things to do, but I also know it is one of the most important things we do in our faith journey. When I look at our world today, I sometimes wonder how much people practice forgiving each other. I certainly don’t feel that people talk about forgiveness all that much. Parents talk to their children and teach their children about being nice, being obedient, and to believe in themselves. But I wonder how much they talk to them or teach them about forgiving their siblings or their friends. Forgiveness must not be a rare occurrence among God’s redeemed. I want to see Christians forgive one another, and to do it more routinely, and more naturally. We are Christ followers. We are people who have been forgiven. We are people who forgive. To know Christ is to forgive.
Colossians 3.12–13 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.