Former surgeon general Vivek Murthy is so concerned about the physical and psychological effects of loneliness that he has written a book to counter the effects in society. According to his research and personal experience, loneliness can increase instances of heart disease, depression, dementia, anxiety, and a host of other conditions (not that we need anything else to worry about!?).
Apparently, loneliness is a global issue, causing the United Kingdom to even appoint a loneliness minister. Tracey Crouch, the first to hold that position, collaborates with a number of other countries which were equally concerned with the issue.
The experience of loneliness can occur regardless of gender, income, age, or nationality, and there is evidence that it is a growing problem. Loneliness is not necessarily the absence of physical connections. Many people report feeling lonely even when surrounded by others, if they do not experience positive human interactions.
What are some causes of loneliness?
Physical distance—More and more people live far away from family and may move more frequently due to a variety of factors, including jobs.
Having little in common with others—We tend to feel lonely when we are not around those who share common interests, value systems, and experiences.
Circumstances and events—College, marriage, jobs/careers terminating or beginning, having children, buying a new home, serious illness, and disability can all cause priorities, habits, and needs to change drastically. Unfortunately, many human connections get lost during these times.
The Bible records many instances of loneliness and makes it clear that it is not an unusual emotion. We read about it even in the first chapter of Genesis when Adam, surrounded by God’s magnificent creation, still finds a need for a suitable companion. God declares in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for man to be alone,” thereby acknowledging the need and necessity of human companionship.
Other Old Testament patriarchs experienced intense loneliness. At God’s command, Elijah spent a significant time in isolation, with only the company of crows (1 Kings 17). Or perhaps you might think of Joseph, in prison, having been betrayed by his family, without the company of countrymen or friends to visit him as he is sentenced for a crime he did not commit. Though not physically alone, he must have felt abandoned.
The New Testament has its own examples of loneliness as well. Imagine the desolation of the apostle John as he lives out his last days in exile on the island of Patmos. Jesus experienced the ultimate loneliness in the garden of Gethsemane, as he wrestled with the unbearable suffering he would soon face on the cross and the ultimate separation from God as he gave his life to redeem mankind.
So, in the light of biblical truth, how should we approach loneliness? First of all, we should acknowledge that loneliness is part of the human condition. The expectation that we will never feel lonely is perhaps not a realistic one. No other human being can completely eradicate loneliness in us.
When it is unavoidable, we should treat loneliness as we do any other hardship. We bring it to God and ask Him to either change the situation or give us the grace to cope with it. First Peter 5:7 says we are to “cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
We should also take steps to remedy loneliness not only for ourselves, but for others. Being an introvert, I often find it difficult to make the effort to reach out to others, but I take it on as a command from God to “bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2). I take joy in obeying God, and more often than not, I am glad after I have made the effort.
Healthy human relationships help quell loneliness; however, they require effort, attention and prioritization. Creating them must be our highest priority in life, just as it was for Jesus. Jesus did not spend his life on earth building a great government, economy and beautiful architecture. He invested everything in people. His answer to the question of which is the greatest commandment is to love God completely, and love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:36-40). We cannot do one without the other.
It is clear that it is God’s design for us to live in fellowship with one another. For now, we must act as the body of Christ from at least 6 feet apart if possible, or engage digitally or by mail. We can still do it! Write an email, tweet, note, sign or letter. Make a phone call. Set up a Zoom session. Sometimes the smallest effort can make the biggest difference.
A few weeks ago on the radio, I heard the heartwarming story of an 11-year-old who wrote her mail carrier a note to thank him for handling the large number of letters she writes each week to keep in touch with her loved ones. This simple act resulted in thousands of other letters, tweets, and comments from those who were moved by her simple gesture. Think of it, such massive goodwill as a result of a few minutes of effort from a thoughtful and caring person. Hundreds of lonely moments vanquished! We can do this! (Read the whole story here.)
Finally, when loneliness strikes, remember Jesus’ last words in Matthew to us all were, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). Amen and amen!
Nina Kylstra. Member of the LifeWay body of Christ for 22 years. Wife of the lovable Eric Kylstra for 30 years. Life-long follower of Christ.